I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Holy shit dude........stairs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
