The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
