Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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