I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
