I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
