I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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