i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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