in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
