If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
