I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize