He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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