I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
