Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
