That's intense
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
