i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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