i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize