The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
