K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
