Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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