oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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