I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
