So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Let's paint friendship bongs
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize