Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
