y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize