Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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