wakey wakey hands off snakey
operation harelip BJ is a go
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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