I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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