He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
