I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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