my vag is so smooth its legendary
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
