Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
