just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
