i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
