I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
