He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
