I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
