considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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