We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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