yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
