i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
