awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
