Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
