In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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