In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
