Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
