Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
