Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
