I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
