He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I could fuck to npr.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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