he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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