I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
