im six kinds of drunk right now
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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