and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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