yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
