your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
