Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
