He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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