I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
