last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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