Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
