I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This baby is an asshole
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
