At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
