have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
