First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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