There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
