SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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