shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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