do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
