I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
