I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
