I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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