i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
