I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
