Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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