Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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