I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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