The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
