Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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