His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize