I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We have so much sex to catch up on
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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