I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
