So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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