Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
