He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
