whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
