I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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