i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
