oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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