Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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