You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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