is your mom at the bar?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
