She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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