Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize