His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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