If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
