I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
