I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who died my cat blue again?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
