well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
