I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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