Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
