dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
